1. says You know times are tough when you go trick or treating and a guy is handing out his resume.
2. My alarm clock and I had a fight. It wanted me to get up, I refused. Things escalated. Now I’m awake & it’s broken. Not sure who won the fight.
3. says growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.
4. is wondering why people think they are invisible when they pick their noses in the car?
5. is wondering if its cool in China to get English words tattooed on their arms.
6. I read that smoking is bad so I stopped smoking, I read drinking is bad so I stopped drinking, I read that sex is bad so I stopped reading.
7. never finishes anythi
8. wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.
9. is out making some changes in hisher life…leave a message and I’ll get back yo you. if I don’t return your message your one of the changes!
10. is thinking so what if Jesus turned water into wine… I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
11. thinks the best part about his job is that his chair spins!
12. is coming to theater near you.
13. says Bad decisions make good stories.
14. says What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
15. is back..by popular demand!
One More Life 
point 8 and 11..awesome!!
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hahaha great list, love it.